Tag Archives: Interviews

1 good, and 3 bad jokes for interviews

Posted on April 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. (Mark Twain)

I admit it.  This is my biggest problem.  I make a jokes in interviews.  I’m irreverent. These jokes really have been used in interviews.

Q.  When do you like to arrive at work?

A.  One hour before quitting time.

 

Q.  How much do you want to earn?

A.  Enough to retire after my first day on the job.

 

Q.  Are you honest?

A.  Yes, if you don’t leave food in the refrigerator or money in your desk drawer.

You need to establish a good relationship with your interviewer.  You also need to figure out what is “sacred” to him and be reverent.  Honesty and hard work are two good areas to be careful about.  If you want to joke, taking hard work too far is a better joke than being a slacker.

 

Q.  When do you like to arrive at work?

A.  My biggest problem is making sure I go home at night so that I HAVE an arrival time.

 

Be human.  Have some fun.  Just do it in a way that benefits you and your interviewer.

Something to do today

Think about the negative jokes you tell.  Can you turn them around and make them about doing too much that is good?

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Later: Start a salary bidding war

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How to turn your dishwasher into a snowplow

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7 interview tricks to be clean and undistracting

Posted on April 19, 2013 | Leave a comment

There is nothing like being trapped in a small, poorly ventilated interview room with a noisome, pungent candidate (or interviewer).

One guy I worked with….. smelled…. funny.   Another always wore each white dress shirts for 4 days.  A woman I worked with had a mouthwash she used at lunch with a bouquet like bourbon (hmmm). I lived with 3 elevator installers who showered once a week, used lots of cologne, and changed their bed sheets daily. No one wants to work with someone whose lack of cleanliness is distracting.

Clean is a minimum for an interview.  Clean and sharp looking is better.

Consider these ideas for the 24 hours before a job interview:

1.         Fill up your gas tank the day before so your hands don’t smell like gasoline at the interview.

2.         No onions, garlic, beans, curries, pungent cheese, or other strong smelling foods.

3.         Avoid perfumes, colognes, perfumed deodorants, strongly scented soaps, etc.  Some people react allergically to the smells and their sinuses plug up.

4.         Consider buying 2 or 3 shirts or blouses just for interviewing and take them to the professionals to have them cleaned and pressed before every interview. Buy new neckties so the knot is crisp and clean.

5.         Polish those shoes.  A few people still set a lot of store by how shoes shine.

6.         Shave before an afternoon interview.

7.         Put a TicTac in your mouth when you pull into the parking lot.

A lot of people are hired despite being sweaty, having wrinkled clothes, and a 5 o’clock shadow.  But, it is always at a lower salary than they could earn otherwise. Cleanliness will make a difference.

Something to do today

Put a box of TicTacs in your glove compartment just for job interviews.

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Later: Interview like an Eagle -Final

Start a salary bidding war

Top secret job hunting

Read want ads even if you are NOT job hunting

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How to turn your dishwasher into a snowplow

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Do you have to tell the truth? How?

Posted on April 2, 2013 | Leave a comment

I had two people axed for falsifying their resumes in a year.  The saddest part is that in both cases the lie that cost them their job was not significant to getting the job.  In other words, if they told the truth they still would have gotten the job, they would still have it.  One was a lie about education.  The other was a lie about a previous job.

So how do you let people know about a problem in an interview and still get the job?  By being accurate and brief.  If you merely attended a school without graduating, say it.   They can ask you about your degrees if they care.  Don’t make up any jobs. If they care about a gap in your resume, they’ll ask.  They understand taking 6 months to find a job.  It happens.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you what to say about a job that was horrible with a boss from… never mind.  That’s tomorrow.

The way you get people to trust you is to be honest.  Gasp!  If you have to talk about something you want to avoid, say only one sentence.  Be accurate and very brief.  Get on to the next question and anwer, the one they will remember.

Something to do today

Write down one sentence replies to questions you don’t want to delve into during an interview.  Go over the list an hour or two before the interview.  Right before the interview read the list of things you want to emphasize.  You need to be thinking positively when you go into your interview.

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Later: Interview like an Eagle – 3

Start a salary bidding war

Top secret job hunting

Read want ads even if you are NOT job hunting

Free career intelligence

How to turn your dishwasher into a snowplow

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Posted in Interviews, Quitting or Fired, Resumes

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How you can accidentally make job search success impossible

Posted on March 27, 2013 | Leave a comment

This story relates directly to your job search, phone calls, interviews, writing your resume, and getting a job offer.

Complete panic, worry, and unhealthy fear were created by my 17 year old daughter as she graduated from high school. In an hour she was going to get her wisdom teeth removed. She’d kill me if I use her name, so let’s call her Gina.

Gina and a friend spent a few days swapping stories about cowardice in the face of needles. They talked about it often enough to amplify their concerns. So Gina was panicked about getting the IV before they put her under. The thought of getting near a needle is horrible to her now. Her friend was bragging about cowering against a wall while she was restrained two years ago to get an inoculation. Gina was fantasizing about how badly she would react when the needle gets close.

Gina came back from the oral surgeon alive.  She had tears streaming down her face before the needle even touched her. She had three holes in her arm because they didn’t get it right. I think part of the problem was hers. Competent nurses became incompetent when faced with her dread and complete lack of faith.

People who need to leave their job are often the same way. They focus on visions of starvation and divorce for months and years before they leave.  All the horrors stories they have ever heard play through their mind over and over.  The will to better themselves is frozen and then shattered by fear.

Even worse than mere fear, you can attract all your worst dreams to you.  As you concentrate on horrible possibilities, you will be drawn to those situations.  The characteristics you concentrate on, will be in your new company.

I don’t know the exact mechanism, but most people get the job they think about the most.  If they concentrate on finding a great job, they usually find at least a good one.  If they concentrate on avoiding horrible, mean spirited, lying, deceitful people in their new company, the usually join below average or horrible companies.  They get the coworkers they dreaded. They are trapped in job after job in companies of despair.

Instead of spending your time talking to someone unemployed who lost their job in November of 2011, talk to someone who just got a new job. Talk to people who have made great job choices. Reminisce with folks who did things right.

Look for a job while you are still employed.  Find out about the company you are moving to.  Talk to your new coworkers before you take the job.  There is a lot less danger than you have been worrying about.

If you concentrate on the positive, you will find the good in every experience.  If you concentrate on the negative, you won’t have a good experience, no matter how good the experience is. You can make good things possible or impossible.

Something to do today

Make a list of the people who tell horrible war stories about job changes.  Stay away from them.  Stay away from everyone who teaches you fear and panic.

Buy The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, or Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.  Read it. Absorb it.

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Later: The rubber band solution for nervousness

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Posted in Attitude, Focus, Interviews, Negotiating, Networking, Resumes

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No BS interviews – stop the ugly questions

Posted on March 6, 2013 | Leave a comment

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.  (Harry S. Truman)

How about this for answering an illegal or immoral question without losing the job?

Q: “Do you have any children?”

A: “I don’t have any entanglements that will keep me from traveling as needed. In the last year I have had to hop a flight 5 times with only an hour’s notice.”

Q: “That’s good, but are you married or divorced?”

A: “My personal life is very stable.  It is a great support to me in my work and is why I have been able to increase sales 40% this year at my current job.”

Q: “Are you living with anyone?”

A: Smile and laugh “If you are worried about my goldfish, don’t.  If you will ask me what you are really worried about, I’ll answer the question. What are you concerned about?  What red flags have been raised because of previous people who held this job?”

Three times is too much.  If an interviewer comes back to an inquiry you don’t want to pursue for a third time, stop them.  One way is with the Shirley Temple laugh I mentioned in my last article.   The other is to stop the interview cold and ask what the real problem is. You can combine the two effectively. I have found that if you ask for respect, you’ll get it. Smile, chuckle with your interviewer about the question, and then lay your concern on the line.  If you have to yell and threaten to get respect, you will only get an enemy, not respect or a job.

If you help your interviewer cure the underlying concern, you will be respected.  If you allow a lot of BS questions that are offensive to you, you won’t want the job and it won’t be offered to you.  The interviewer will have felt your resentment and pass over you.  So stop things and discuss the real problem. You have a right to ask questions too.

Something to do today

Send me a list of offensive or difficult questions you have been asked in an interview.   I’ll answer them in my newsletters.

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Later:             The meek will inherit…

How to quit

The old boy network

Exploit the old boys

The money question

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A dozen ways to stand out, be remembered, and be hired

Posted on February 11, 2013 | Leave a comment

A moth trap can teach you how to stand out, be remembered, and be hired. The principles can be used in interviews, resumes, and networking.

The moth trap in our pantry is supposed to be much better than the average one.  It has the same sticky glue and pheromones, but instead of just a white sheet of cardboard, it has black stripes on it.  I don’t know if it really is better, but I paid a few dollars extra for it.  If it is better, great.  I made a great decision.  If it is only as good as the cheaper trap, I still made a good decision.  Either way the trap will catch the bugs before they lay eggs in our flour, cornmeal and popcorn.  I get protection either way, and maybe I get a little better protection with the more expensive traps.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.  (Mark Twain)

In every interview you have to have something that sets you apart. It is nice if it is a huge difference, but that is not absolutely necessary. One of the reasons a college degree or certification in your field is valuable is because it sets you apart.  People can remember how you are different and hopefully better.  Other things that can set you apart are:

  • Putting yourself through college
  • Courses you have taken
  • Projects you have lead
  • Having lots of kids…. or having no kids
  • Your volunteer work
  • Your passions and hobbies
  • Dressing sharper than is required
  • Shoes that shine like the sun…. or suede tennis shoes
  • Letters of recommendation
  • Someone you know who already works there
  • Long hair…. or a marine haircut
  • Something amazing and relevant you did in high school

Remember why I bought the expensive moth trap…. it MIGHT be better. Anything you can do to show you just might be better than Mr. Bland will help.

For the moth traps, it was just a black stripe on cardboard.  What is it that you can do, say, be, or show that makes you worth a few extra dollars?

Something to do today

Every time someone is hired at your current job, go find out what was different about that person.  When you are told, “They were more qualified,” ask, “Were there any small details that seemed to confirm that they were better?”  You may be surprised what little details separate first place from no place at all.

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The harsh truth about job interview questions

Posted on February 21, 2012 | Leave a comment

There really are only 3 job interview questions.  If you understand that, you’ll do much better.

Click here for the article in Forbes.

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Do you dare answer, “Will you do anything we ask?”

Posted on June 21, 2011 | 1 comment

In “The Firm” a new lawyer finds the perfect job: great pay, wonderful benefits and  a really high flying lifestyle.  Then he finds out he is a part of the mafia and can’t get out unless it is as the guest of honor at his own funeral.

“Will you do whatever it takes to get the job done?” is a common interview question.  There is no reason to suspect that your employer wants you to do something illegal.  More likely he wants you to work late.

Let’s get realistic.  Even in high flying corporate scandals no one is murdered.  If you feel you have to blow the whistle you can go to newspaper reporters and the police.  You will be safe physically.  Your only real worries are social and financial.  The company’s risk is to its very existence.  It can be destroyed just by bad press.  Also, legal action can take away any profit the company has had for years.

Go ahead and be enthusiastic when they ask the question, “Will you do whatever it takes?”  The proper answer is to give examples of how you have gone the extra mile in previous jobs.  Tell when you worked late to finish projects or help a teammate.  Carrying a pager is a great example of doing “whatever it takes.”  Mention the inconvenient business trips.  The support you had from your family when you had to work late or travel is a valuable story.

I hate to go back to it, but, don’t mention when you did something borderline illegal.  Don’t assume they want you to do something immoral.  If they ask you to do something that is wrong, ask them to clarify.

Ask for examples.  If you are sure they are asking you to do something illegal, immoral, or fattening, refuse the second interview or the job offer.

Some people have been burned by a previous bad employer.  You may have been hired by a place with dubious morals. You are out now, or in the process of getting out.  Assume the best of the companies you are visiting.  Give examples of how hard you are willing to work to succeed. Focus on what you can do for the company.

Something To Do Today

Assume the best.  Ask for examples.

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How to answer “What do we have to pay you?”

Posted on June 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

Never…ever suggest they don’t have to pay you.  What they pay for, they’ll value.  What they get for free, they’ll take for granted, and then demand as a right.  Hold them up for all the market will bear.  (Lois Bujold)

” How much less than $55,000 will you take as a base salary?”

You probably won’t be asked that particular question. It is brutally bad.

Employers hate to ask any money question.  It isn’t polite.  But, you and the employer need to be in the same salary ballpark. Wouldn’t you feel upset if after 3 interviews over a period of a month you were offered a salary of half of what you are willing to take?

What makes the money question worse is that you cannot give a solid answer and win.  If you give a number too high, they may refuse to continue the interviews.  If you give a number too low, they’ll pay that low number and not a higher one you could have gotten.

There is only one way to answer the question.  Start out with a compliment. Let them know where you are now.  Finally, tell them you want to hear their best offer.  Here’s an example:

“How much do we have to pay you?”

“I like this company.  The opportunity is just what I am looking forward to.  The team is a real winner too.  I currently earn a $63,000 base plus a bonus of $2500 last year.  I certainly wouldn’t want to earn less.  What I would like is to be able to entertain your best offer.”

This answer gives them information to work with.  It is not a refusal.  The heartfelt compliments at the start make them feel good.  You tell them what your baseline for comparison is.  Finally you give them a chance to be generous.

One final note: Don’t bring up money, benefits, vacation or “what’s in it for me” in the first interview.  Even the second interview is often the wrong place.  After they have decided to hire you is the best time to discuss money.  At that point they will feel a real loss if you decide their offer is too low.

Something To Do Today

Most people cannot clearly state what they earn.  I don’t know why.  Before you go on an interview write down the clearest way you can state your current earnings.  Then practice answering “the money question”.

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5 Interview Traps

Posted on May 31, 2011 | Leave a comment

Thumb screws and the iron maiden are no longer considered proper interview tools. Nasty traps are rarely set for candidates.  The most common snare is a reasonable question or a pause that becomes the killing moment in an interview.  We’ll talk about pauses another day.

Reasonable questions that are dangerous include:

  • What are your weaknesses?
  • What do we have to pay you to get you to work here?
  • Why are you leaving your current job?
  • Are you willing to do anything necessary to get the job done?
  • Where else are you interviewing?

When you get a dangerous question you should answer it accurately.  That doesn’t mean you need to go into a lot of detail.  Over the next few day I will touch on each one of these questions.  For now, remember to be brief.

The biggest danger with all the traps

Any one of these questions can bring out old job wounds.  Job wounds are things that happened at a previous job that you are afraid will happen again.  Get over them. This is a new company.  Don’t yell, whine or complain about the past.  If you have to mention something that is ugly, state the fact in one short sentence and stop.  Don’t explain.  Don’t fill in the details. Let your interviewer assume what he wants. You will find that their imagination is often more generous to you if you are extremely brief and only mention facts.

The secret to avoiding interview traps is to prepare an answer in advance.  Use that answer and avoid going into areas that are painful for you. Brevity is a key.

Something to do today

Write down a one sentence answer to each of the questions above.  Over the next days compare those answers to the guidelines for each question.

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